30 days - An Honest Update

Have you all joined Pinterest? Do. Or maybe don't depending on how much you cherish your free time because Pinterest seems to suck it up. If you don't know, it's a site where you can collect images that you dig - ideas you admire or  inspire you. It's a creativity mecca. Perfect for type-A organizers like myself.

So what does Pinterest have to do with Crispy Living? Well as I'm working hard to convince myself that spending oodles of time on Pinterest is actually a way to unwind, de-stress, and enjoy pretty stuff (which is a lie - mostly it just makes me anxious to make/do more and better), I'm exposed to a whole lot of cool people doing cool things with food. A pretty picture of a dish leads me to someone's blog, then I click around and in 10 minutes I've bookmarked 10 blogs while soaking up how other people approach healthy eating, specifically grains. Some people hate grains and demonize them. Others don't give a flying hoot about the use of grains, as long as their dishes taste good and look pretty. The commonality between the two sides of the grain-issue: Everyone seems pretty darn confident about themselves.

But I admit it. I'm not. We're at 30 days on our Paleo journey and I still have doubts. It's not that I doubt if eating non-grain whole foods is good. I know it is. We feel and look better. As I've detailed in previous posts, the changes have been and continue to be amazing.  But do I have all out confidence? No. Not yet anyway.

Here is my problem: Shunning grains is really radical. It takes massive effort and constant vigilance in this modern grain-obsessed world. It goes against everything I've ever known about healthy eating. In a way, it also attacks my fondest memories - coming from an Italian family, a good portion of our happiness stemmed from eating meals on our laps because every table surface in the house was covered with food. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, my mom...all are amazing cooks who are hardwired to cook enough for an army every meal. We ate, ate well, and ate well together. Pasta, breads, breaded things, cakes, cookies, pies and more desserts. These foods represent fun and family, warmth and love to me. How can all that I know and grew up with be so wrong? Not only wrong, but harmful with potential scary - even life altering - consequences?? How can bread - something so benign, so warm, so friendly, so inviting - be so awful??!!

So I'm really struggling with the whole crispiness of Paleo. You've got your extreme mainstreamers vs. your hardcore crunchies all screaming at the top of their lungs they're right.  Then you've got my entire knowledge of food vs. science - the two couldn't conflict more. But I can't deny science...that wonderful savior, yet crushing fact pusher that is strongly leaning on the side of the crunchies on this debate. Not only does science say grains are terrible for human consumption, even partial consumption (aka going crispy-style) is just as bad. I've read and read and read till my head hurt. I've had dreams involving swimming in grains, running with Laura Ingalls in fields of grains...even a dream where I had an argument with Harry Potter as he ate his bowl of porridge in the Great Hall at Hogwarts. Truth be told, I want to frolic in the grain field with Laura while Ma bakes fresh bread us, but the truth is, I can't deny the science and I really need to tell Harry the truth about his porridge.

I guess I can't expect a 34 years of grain-eating and a whole-grains-are-the-healthiest-thing-you-can-eat mentality to disappear overnight.  I think I lack confidence because if I am going to believe the science - which how can I not - I can't be Crispy on this one. I think it may be an all or nothing way of eating. That is essentially closing the door my grain-eating past and that's scary (or is it opening the door to a healthier life? Bah. Optimism.)

I think my lack of confidence also stems from loneliness. Not eating like 99% of America and friends/family is isolating. Books and research may be inspiring, but are not warm friends who can understand or can sympathize.

Making this life change even harder are the criticisms, comments, and raised eyebrows from friends, neighbors, acquaintances, etc. Just because we aren't eating grains anymore, people think we've gone bonkers. It feels like people equate not eating grains to selling all our possessions and joining a cult somewhere in the desert. Really truly. Some of the questions/comments have been demoralizing.

And it's not just Jon and myself feeling the need to defend our choices. Our son was scrutinized while playing with a friend for saying "we don't eat bread." The little boy told him that was the stupidest thing he ever heard. My son said (proud mama moment), "If you are calling that stupid, then you are calling my mom stupid," and was prepared to stand his ground before our oldest interceded.

Not everyone has been so judgmental. My oldest had a sleepover. I packed her a breakfast to bring. The mother was genuinely intrigued as to what we were doing and the foods we were eating and asked for some recipes. I guess she didn't find our attempt to wade through the food marketing shoving corn puffs and wheat bread in our faces in the pursuit of better health as all that crazy. It was nice.

Anyway, I don't have a perfect way to sum up this post except to say I'm still learning about, still dealing with, and still questioning everything when it comes to not eating grains. But I don't have it all neat and tidy and packaged together with a big bow and a tag that reads, "This way is best." We are all still definitely grain-free, sugar free (minus honey/agave), and industrialized oil free. But I'm learning this process to a healthy, vibrant life is an evolution. A few months ago, I didn't know diets and research would consume the majority of my mental energy everyday for weeks and weeks. But now that I'm here, I cannot unlearn what I've learned. I know what to do....but can I successfully bridge the mainstream/crunchy gap?

Ugh. Too much thinking. Time to go "relax" on Pinterest. At least there I can chill out for a few minutes....that's how it is supposed to work, right?